You degenerate morons never cease to impress Me. And you started this week out on a particularly depraved note. But where you idiots are weak, I am strong – so I get whatever I want. But today was particularly hilarious, combining new losers with a trip down memory lane …
Lately there’s been a massive rush from you little losers that have been with Me since the very beginning on Niteflirt, 3 wonderful years ago. On Saturday that little sissy fag poppers slut, kimmy, called and blubbered about how much better I am than the cam girls of the internet. (Duh!) Then I made him blow bowls and huff his brains out in his pathetic basement hide-out while his wife, stompy, snored upstairs. It was real dignified … a grown man with loads of education and money, whimpering from his spunk-covered computer chair in the basement, wearing only a training bra, falsies, cotton panties, and that little sissy pink butt plug he loves. Another poppers whore that lines up for Me to shove a bottle up his nose while I take his cash and leave him sweating in a pool of his own mess and shameful addiction. But I fucking love kimmy. He’s an impressive little slutbag that can huff with the best of them, and he always sends lots of cash.
Then on Sunday I announced My newly-minted page featuring My Homewrecking collection and it was like I unleashed some maggot siren call into the collective unconscious. Jesus, the mp3s have been selling like they’re going out of style and the phone has been ringing off the fucking hook. Of note were the following dipshits:
– 6 AM on Monday morning some totally new loser calls. But hey, if you’re freebasing cocaine and jerking off with a vibrator up your ass while your wife is out of town at 6 AM on a Monday morning, we’re probably going to get along. This guy was a complete fuck up. And honestly, I don’t know how he ever convinced anyone he was straight enough to marry. The stench of desperate cocksucker was so strong on this one that I was completely floored that some woman stood in front of Jesus and everyone and married this turd. Total. Fucking. Faggot. And it almost seemed like this guy had tourette’s, not because he kept cussing inappropriately, but because I got him so high that he could barely talk and kept making these hilarious, uncontrolled, guttural grunts while he was on the phone. I could just see him twitching, like a total retard. Naturally that forced intox loser was a total cash cow itching to alienate his wife, so I took a bunch of his money before I told the fucker to go toss off in the corner alone. He called back later in the day, but I was napping. Never fear, I’m sure we’ll see a repeat from this idiot.
– Then I got some PTV mail action in with stupid Jasper, who has been losing money to Me for longer than he wants to remember. The fucking idiot messaged Me on some random new Niteflirt account pretending to be a new pig. But I guess I smelled the shit on his breath because I looked through My records and saw the tell-tale signs of poor, pathetic Jasper. He really is hopeless. But I love it that he always tries to act right and be a good husband and swears up and down that he’s never going to pay Me again. You already know how that works out … But you all could stand to learn a lot from Jasper. He’s a German loser, so he’s right up My alley. The Germans are always ultra twisted and serious as a heart attack about being submissive. You give a German pig a task and that shit gets done … STAT!
– Then fucking Imperial came out of the goddamned woodwork. He was all kinds of boo-fucking-hoo about being bored with his wife and having too much money – you know, normal old, white man problems. He was such a sad sack today that I seriously couldn’t even deal with him. I ordered him to go see a hooker. Impressively, he went and got his pipes cleaned by some 40something ex-stripper after work. I only say “impressively,” because it was his first time ever seeing a real suck-your-dick-and-fuck kinda whore. That bastard is so riddled with Catholic guilt that this is going to get really good in a hurry.
After all that, I had to take a fucking nap. But I woke up to a shitload of mp3 sales and cash in My Niteflirt account and Imperial sent a solid Amazon card. Then I got dressed up and went on a first date with some lawyer loser. He was a completely vanilla beta male jerk-off. So naturally, I was bored as fuck and came home to tease you idiots.
Oh, and I got banned from Facebook for linking to thebaconfactory.com. Fucking assholes. And TinyTim is desperately counting the minutes until he can blow some cash on Me again.
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